another battle begins...

after so long, we are going for another big battle... this time, heart tired, body tired everything just seems so damn bloody 'f'.  If I told people that it's okay, it's not at all.  Feel so lifeless, 6 year ~ not one day 2 days, I do know compared to others this may seems not so song but for me, it's enough.  I cant let my little princess keep battle with the pain.   I blaim everything now, WHY... WHY... WHY... 6 years not enough for her to be in this pain???? Why!!!! I colapse, cry... sighs damn god, why you do this to this little creature.  She don't deserve to be treated this way.  Please spare her a life.  If by praying to you not getting any repond from you, I guess I would have to scold, screaming and do whatever to let you get my message now. 

Yes, I am willing to be punished, be exchange my life for her.  Spare her now.  Since you gave her to me, then please let me have her whole heartedly.  Not now, it's too cruel of you.  By taking her, you are taking mine too.  I am begging you to give her to me and cure her.  Return her healthly to me.  I can't be mercyly asking nicely as for 6 years you don't hear me.  They always said, god only gave you what you can take ~ BS.  Honestly I am going crazy and only thinking of going to take my life now.  Why on earth you doing this to human being.  Be it you don't want us live peacefully don't create us......arghhhhhhhhhh why

I hope I can still hang in there or else...... it's indeed too tired to live like this.  Take me please!!!

life..

visited my little frenz few days ago, Phoenix heart aching.  It reminded Phoenix her own journey started 4 yrs ago... well, Phoenix is still learning to cope till today.  Phoenix truely understand the pain, the lost, the uncertainty of the situation.  Encourage the parent always gave Phoenix more strenght as it motivate Phoenix in return. 

My little frenz, very tough and strong boy.  He's shy seeing me, but he try his best to be his best - well done boy, you've done great!!!   We might not be as tough as you, however, you've let us know how life can be so wonderful.

I can sense the fear in them, but please dont ever give up as he never give up although he's so weak now.  A bit of our smile and encouragement will make him feel better and proud.  He's always the bright boy we know.  Cheeky as he's and playful in his own way.

Brave daddy, please don't be upset.. everything will be alrite!!   you've done great too.  jia you jia you still jia you... Phoenix truly feel him, tired, exhausted,  no matter how he do his best to keep his little one at comfort.  Fatherly love!  My little frenz, your dad will always be there for you.. you both must jia you together!!

Mommy, believed in him.  Gave him your very best.  He need you and most of all your undivided, unconditional love.  Don't doubt, just be there for my little frenz.  No one will know what's the outcome till the last moment.  Phoenix can really understand this whole situation, Phoenix is the true life cases.  Watever, mommy taught off... Phoenix do!  Phoenix have being practising Nichiren Buddism for long time.. remember how soka member and my family member support me emotional - thank you for just be there for me when Phoenix needed them most. 

Keep your faith close to you and please do not gave up any hope as our little one is true warrior!  Before they gave up fight we will be their most trusted front liner. 

Remember you're not alone as Phoenix will always keep my little frenz and family in my prayers.. and there's others in C family be with your unconditionally.  Prayers will always be there for you my little frenz... listen to our prayers and remember tat we will always luv u! as long as u want to fight on, we will support u all the way... go go boy!

New Adventure..

2011.. have being really great year... everything seems to be bang bang bang.. for me it's indeed a buzy, buzy still buzy day.. it's being more then 4 months Phoenix didnt visited any frenz blog and more important update on Phoenix blog hmmmm it should be somethg to be proud with hahahhaha as tis means phoenix is really bz with her venture.

Phoenix have visited one paradise.. wow.. Phoenix just fall in luv with this place, thing have being moving well there as well and 'cross my finger' should there be everythg goes smoothly YES! tat would be my dream home

gambateh.. Phoenix can do it.. make the impossible possible!!

keep going...

it's being bz days getting all the planning in place and schedule fixed.   it's all worth it.  all the hard work, effort, time, money... not wasted.  although tired, phoenix still happy.  there's will there's way.. never give up single hope, nothing is impossible with willing heart.

cheerssss

bao bei happy b'day

it's 4 yrs ord.. bao bei, mommy wish u good health and happy always.  on the day of her b'day, daddy sent you a b'day message ; Happy Birthday to bao bei, daddy and mummy love you very much and be happy always! from daddy on 5th sept 2010, 12am.

when u read this blog one day, do remember tat how much we luv u.. u must luv urself as you're our life and we luv u wholehearted.  we have fight for your life so you must treasure every second of it and lead a meaningful and colourful life everyday.

just finish watch one show on tv... about one mother who nvr ever thinking to lost hope as her son is blind from young.. she let him go to normal school as she want him to grow up as normal as possible.. he's 14 today.. and told the world, 'mom, i might not be able to see your face for this life, however, if there's next life i hope i'll still be able to find u and be your son'

last week my princess was admitted to hospital for 'suspected dengue' huh... at first it was just normal fever.. gave her fever syrup.. first day okay.. second day okay .. third day.. hmmm hw come her body tempreture seems not so OK.. after a thought.. asked her dad tat just came home to send us to clinic to check... the doc. straight away do blood test as there's too many dengue reported...

blood taken, doc. came out from his lab.. mdm, i think u'll have to bring ur gal to hospital now immediately as her blood pallete only at 24 plus.. huh my heart drop at tat point as normal shld be between 100-150... gosh panic.. tears just keep falling ... called grandma, call yima calling for help and motivation... call god call whoever for motivation....

straight away admitted her, blood taking... princess cried her heart out it's really painful hearing her screaming for help.. both her hand and foot all blue black... first dengue test - negative.. do second time - negative.. huh as other then her blood pallete drop there's others ... blood Phoenix dun understand wat's tat but it's part of blood as well also drop.. makes doc. worried same make Phoenix worried.. called our spore specialist doc. for princess..to standby in case any emergency we will rush there.. haiz... it's really scared me to hell ... tat time Phoenix keep asking for mercy of great do not ever take her from me.. it's not her time yet... please please please.. first nite cant sleep as worried her fever will up.. second nite her blood pallete still no up.. 3rd day still not up... Phoenix keep chanting and get member to help to chant for Princess.. 4th day... her blood finally make improvement increase to 46 then nite time 76.. then next day 106 huh.. we've finally won the battle again tis time.. it's finally diagnose at viral fever.. :(

thank you those tat send regards, my cousin tat visited us although she's bz with her work... and my family tat keep supporting me .. not forgetting the doc. and nurse at hospital tat's so frenzly and caring during our stay there as Princess condition is special tat's why they've pay extra care on her.. thnk you very much for all your frenzly care... may u be blessed wth gd health